What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 00:04
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I will be 64.
I just cannot wake up early, even if I sleep on time. What should I do?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why are Indians so influenced by the Western culture, when the Indian tradition has so much to give?
Im still living with it.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Do you know a good lawyer joke?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Would this be the day?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why does it matter so much to atheists that God doesn't exist?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was seconnd youngest,
What are the challenges associated with the birth narratives of Jesus?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
In my experience, British people are fat, ugly and arrogant. Why is it and can it be changed?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why is my older sister so mean to me as if I was her enemy?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I could never make a relationship work though!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We all went to grammer schools
And i lived it daily.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why was Boromir corrupted by the One Ring, but not Faramir in The Lord of the Rings?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He resisted the act ,that day.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
How do you know if your husband loves you truly and deeply?
This is soul school!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My life is so biszare .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
How was your JEE Advanced 2024 result?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Comes on , in middle age.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was scared of men, in general
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I don,t even have a pension.
All the time i was locked up.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My family never makes their pension either.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She loved him until the end.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She wouldn,t have been !
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She was in good health!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I write beautiful poetry .
As i do to all so called friends.?
But, we were locked up after school.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was very sick at this time too.
We were not on the streets..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She found it foreign!.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
One cannot live in the past .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
(And it was in our own minds.)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I said to her
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I have no regrets .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I think the readers, may guess!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Especially a lifetime of it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He knew the spot.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Put me off passion for life!!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I waited trembling.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
When she asked me how she looked .
Was to survive, this bastard.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was 9 years of age.
So whats the point in blame.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
It was going to be , some day.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What did i know ?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why did i forgive my father ?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Ive learnt so much.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Who then, do I blame.?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She married twice! .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But it wasn’t much.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..